im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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