I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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