and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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