its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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