You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
