I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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