we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
