my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
