youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
