Im at strip club and am horny
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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