I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Success! We fucked roommates!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
