I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
His hands were made for my vagina.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
