it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
