Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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