im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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