I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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