There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
