I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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