I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
