Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
