Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
