I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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