My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
His hands were made for my vagina.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
