I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
