addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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