Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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