cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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