Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
