Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
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you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
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They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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