Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
