last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
