it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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