I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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