and you said cock pushups were impossible
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
