Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
True strength comes from lack of pants
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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