i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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