it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
