just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
