How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Come share oat with me in your robe
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
