He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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