Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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