I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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