don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize