When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
