You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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