I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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