He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
