Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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