I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
