you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
