Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
