I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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