i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
