The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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