If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
