having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
