Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
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Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
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What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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