youre lurking in front of me
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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