This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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