Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
