ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
