u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
