There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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