Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
